It has been a hectic past few months and I am sure it is not slowing down anytime soon now that I am also back to working! After you read my letter, if you make it through, please follow the blog circle with my amazing, talented friend Jill!
To my sweet Cohen. We anticipated your arrival for many months, 9 to be exact. I found myself wondering towards the end of those 9 months what you were going to be like. How much of your brothers would I see in you. How much of your father or of me. I can say with such wonderment that who you are is such a dream. The first time I held you I was instantly taken over by your immensely soft calming presence. In that instant, holding you really made everything melt away. I could feel your energy calm me down and just make me want to be HERE in every single moment. What is so wonderful is that everyone else that held you or came to visit after you were born noticed it too. “He is so calming”, “He is so chill”, “He has such great energy”.
You are now two months old, those days that stress me out, I hold you and feel instant relief. This powerful energy you have to make me feel safe, secure and melt away everything around me except you, is so therapeutic. I am just smitten by you as you continue to grow. Those eyes, you have such beautiful and mesmerizing eyes. I believe they will blue (which is funny because your brothers have hazel/green eyes and the other brown). I love to watch them as you study your surroundings and take in your world. Just like for your brothers I hope to capture YOUR world as you discover it. That is why you will see this camera a lot!
Your facial expressions crack me up and make me laugh lots throughout the day. When you wake up in the morning you are so calm and greet me with wide eyes, patiently waiting while I take care of your brothers. Once it’s our turn you greet me with those eyes and when I start talking to you, a smile that’s so handsome and brings me even more happiness. You are such a talker and we have lots of conversations. I promise to always be here to listen and hope these conversations will only continue to grow.
You really have made our family feel so complete. There is no doubt that your brothers love you. I’m sorry they are constantly in your face but this is proof of their love. They often argue or fight over who gets to touch you. I watch as the bonds form and the love evolves between you three. Our life is nothing short of crazy but so spectacular and amazing because it is our crazy. I strive to embrace this time we have together even though some days are challenges. On those days there you are, reminding me to be present in the moment and to enjoy each daily journey down to the second. There are days I get glimpses of those seconds starting to fade longer into minutes and hours as each of you grow. The needing me every second will start to drift away (eeek). I wouldn’t change for the world all of you needing me now every second because I know that I won’t get those seconds back. They all count, every single one of them.
To my boys, I am so thankful to be your mommy. I love each of you for who you. It is so incredible to watch our family dynamic evolve with all three of you.
Cayson you are so observant, caring, hard working, love deeply, think thoughtfully, remember everything and nothing short of amazing my soon to be 5 year old. You love to snuggle, take in your world with such light every single day, are so creative and you adore your daddy. We have amazing conversations and I love our special time when we get to have it. You are my big helper these days and I appreciate you so much for that.
Canden you are so loving, mischievous, curious, and innovative. Just when I think I have you figured out and clear everything from your exploring path you find something else I didn’t think of. You keep me on my toes and will keep me young! Your smile, dimples and big eyes break me down and make me want to do nothing more but than snuggle you up! I love watching you explore and discover even though it takes up 99.9% of the day so I can ensure you remain safe. You love bath time, your “nun nites”, playing and discovering. You bring your little chair everywhere you can to reach higher places. When you stop moving long enough for a story and snuggle, I embrace it with my whole heart.
I love all of you for everything you are and especially for the unique qualities that distinguish you. Each of those qualities are what makes up the dynamics of our family and fills our days with challenges and joys. Both of which I love because it is you discovering your ways in this life. I promise to be here for all of it no matter what. I know I am not perfect but I promise that you will never have to question my love or how deep it goes for each of you.
I love you with all of my heart, you are perfect just the way you are.